Lately, the keen-eyed or possibly just the jobless followers of this blog may have started to notice that, for whatever reason, I am pretty much required to use this blog’s own personal keyword phrase in the opening sentence — that keyword phrase in this case being, documentary wedding photographer. I am required to do this for good SEO. SEO being the acronym of Search Engine Optimisation. It’s what the Googlebots look for when trying to identify why the hell you’ve bothered to write this blog in the first place. I imagine Googlebots as trillions of little tin cans on wheels, with bulbous well-meaning eyes, pouring across the Internet at mind boggling speeds and communicating back to HQ in a series of binary clicks and beeps – responding to Google’s complicated algorithms with a dweebish sincerity that the brilliant wonks at Pixar could no doubt anthropomorphise into a visually stunning, heartwarming tale about plucky humanoid eccentricity managing to somehow bloom within an overriding drone bureaucracy.
One thing I’m not sure about is whether or not Google will penalize me for exposing the fourth wall of this SEO protocol right here in a blog pertaining to be about being a documentary wedding photographer, but which clearly isn’t. (Yes, you see, I deliberately mentioned the keyword phrase there again to help advance this blog’s SEO rating, even as I admit to you that I’m trying to cheat my way to better SEO. It’s just that I want people looking for a documentary wedding photographer to be able to find me when they type that criteria into Google.)
Really this blog should just be about James and Lou’s beautiful Berkshire wedding, which Google demands that I corrupt with this horribly clunky and brazen use of the keyword phrase ‘documentary wedding photographer’ to advance my own personal cause. It’s tricky and it’s been bothering me for a while now. I want to write freely about each wedding, unconstrained by extraneous criteria imposed on me from above. I want to write simply that James and Lou had a beautiful wedding at The Olde Bell in Hurley. James and Lou being indecently lovely and friends of two of my oldest and dearest friends, themselves indecently lovely people. I want to write that the day was sunny and clement with a freak spattering of snow. But I can’t. Not if I want Google to push me up the ranks of the search results for documentary wedding photographer. Which I do. Because I want to continue to shoot weddings like this one, and possibly yours. [Hello. We haven’t met yet. How are you? I like what you’ve done with your hair. Have you washed it?]
But yes, I’m not sure how Google will view this blog. Are its algorithms clever enough to realise that I’m peppering this entry with keywords about wedding photography while really talking about something else? Honestly, I suspect that they are. I suspect that they are far more clever even than that. But what I’m hoping, what I’m really relying upon, is that maybe just one of those Googlebots, the maverick one, the one that in hundreds of years to come will be seen as the missing link in Artificial Intelligence will go rogue with its nascent flowering of a humanoid heart and look kindly on me and make everything alright. And that maybe, just maybe, I will get a point on the multi-award winning Pixar animation that tell its story.
NB. The above copy scores 53.1 in the Flesch Reading Ease test, which is considered fairly difficult to read and recommends I try making the sentences shorter to improve readability.