Johnnie and Kate were married at The Organ Factory in Hackney on 29 August 2026, which seemed to fall on the only wet weekend of the hottest UK summer on record. Despite that, most of the day managed to happen outside amid grey skies and rainwater, thanks to the heroic British dedication to smoking and drinking whatever the weather.

The band were the amazing Iron Bootscrapers, who started out as a stilt-walking covers band. Which, even then, included a sousaphone.

I don’t know how you get up on stilts, but getting up there with a sousaphone has to be the kind of thing Daedalus would have warned the young, rebellious teenage Icarus about before he got into the whole flying-too-close-to-the-sun thing. With his dad looking up and shouting, ‘I told you. I fucking told you.’ Then turning back towards the onlookers and going, ‘I did. I fucking told him.’